


i could stay away forever (but that's a lie)

by earthquakedream



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Community: insmallpackages, F/M, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-16
Updated: 2011-01-16
Packaged: 2017-10-14 19:14:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/152534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earthquakedream/pseuds/earthquakedream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Jensen's Christmas sucks. Then Jared shows up, which only makes it suck more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i could stay away forever (but that's a lie)

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt "surprise Christmas reunion or visit between the boys" @ insmallpackages.

Jared shows up at Jensen's house on Christmas Eve looking tired and beaten down by life in general. This - and by this Jensen means the randomly showing up, not Jared's exhaustion - would have made more sense five years ago, when Jared and Jensen did this to each other all the time.

Jensen tries to think of a good greeting that isn't _why don't you ever fucking call me, asshole_ or _what have you been doing the last five years_ but instead he says, "You look like shit. Merry Christmas. Get your ass inside, it's like, 30 degrees out and you're not wearing a coat."

Jared grunts and walks past Jensen into the house.

"Oh, Merry Christmas to you _too_ , Jensen, how have you been doing the last five years, I'm freaking _peachy_ thanks for asking and for letting me into your house!"

That's all grumbled under his breath, of course, too low for Jared to hear. Jensen's not such a dick that he'll say it to Jared's face. Not when he can't even manage a proper greeting.

Jensen watches Jared kick off his shoes and look around. Jared's grown up in the last five years, gotten broader, put on muscle. He looks even hotter than he used to, when Jensen could barely keep his hands to himself.

He didn't miss the thin strip of pale skin on Jared's finger, though. He wonders if the absence of Jared's wedding ring has anything to do with why he's here, looking so crappy.

"Want a drink?" Jensen asks. Jared's eyes are fixed on a picture of the two of them at Jared's wedding. Jensen moves forward and rests a hand on his shoulder. "Sit down. I'll bring you some coffee." Decaf, definitely.

Jared sighs heavily and turns around. Before Jensen can say anything, he's wrapped up in a hug tight enough to break a few ribs, probably. He thinks, briefly, about pushing Jared away but he can't do that to him.

"Hey, relax. Relax, Jay, it's okay." Jensen rubs his back gently, one hand sneaking up to curl around the back of Jared's neck.

"We've been separated for two years, really, but the divorce went through a couple days ago. She's pregnant, but it's not mine." Jared pulls back and quickly wipes at his eyes. "She never cheated, she waited till we were separated, but it was just. It wasn't a good marriage, Jensen, we sucked at it."

"I'm so sorry, Jared." Jensen squeezes his shoulders gently. "Why don't you sit down, okay? You're welcome here for as long as you want."

Jared sits, but doesn't take his eyes off Jensen. "You shouldn't be apologizing. I've been a shitty friend. A _really_ shitty friend. I shoulda called you. But it was just..."

"It was what, easier?" Jensen can't help the bitterness in his voice. "I get it. She was never comfortable with me hanging around, especially after I was best man at your wedding. No one thought that was a good idea."

"Well, yeah. But I shouldn't have listened to her. You aren't just my ex, Jensen, you were always my best friend even if it didn't work out between us."

Jensen hates thinking about it. He knows they could have worked it out, but both of them were too stupid to try. And then Jared ended up with Emma and they were happy. And Jensen was happy for them.

"It's okay." It's really not. Jensen still wants to call him a coward. "You're here now, even if it isn't under the best of circumstances."

"I didn't even think you'd be here," Jared says. "I walked from my parents' house, they were just... they kept asking about Emma and when was I gonna move on... and I couldn't handle it. You usually stay with your brother at Christmas, so I was gonna just go back home, but your lights were on, so..."

"Josh and his family are vacationing somewhere warm," Jensen admits. "So I'm here."

"Oh." Jared frowns. "On Christmas? Jensen..."

"Don't, okay. It's not ideal, but it's not that bad. I got my cat."

"So now you're a crazy cat lady."

"I have one cat!"

"Do you have beer?"

"I have that too."

Jensen turns and walks out quickly, grabs two beers and the popcorn he'd started before Jared showed up. He comes out and sits next to Jared. Pepper, his fat ass tuxedo cat, climbs into Jensen's lap and plops right down, eyes on the popcorn bowl.

"Greedy," Jensen accuses, but he gives Pepper a couple kernels before turning to Jared. "You staying the night?"

"It's too cold and dark to walk back now. I called my mom while you were in the kitchen."

"Short conversation."

"I left a message. They were going out to dinner with Jeff and his fiance."

"And you skipped out?" Jensen shakes his head. "Your mom's gonna give you hell."

"I know. But I had no desire to go play happy for him, even if I am. I'm not ready."

"Loser." Jensen sips his beer, toes curling in his cushy socks. His nephew bought them for him.

Three beers each and an hour later, Jensen has done what he told himself, as soon as he saw Jared, would be the worst thing to do. Which is kiss him.

Jared's fucked up from his divorce, lonely and needy, he _always_ gets this way after a break up, was like this after he and Jensen split up and Jensen knows he rebounded like crazy. It's how they ended up together in the first place: Jensen was comforting Jared after Sandy dumped him and there was booze and then porn for entertainment and then they were fucking.

So he knows it's a bad idea, making out with his ex after the guy has just finished a divorce, when they're both lonely and Jensen is still fucking in love with him, has never forgiven himself for letting Jared go, it's just that he can't help himself.

Jared destroys his self control.

He remembers kissing him when they were happy together, slow and sweet, and Jared couldn't stop smiling, laughing softly, so Jensen had no choice but to trace his dimples, nose brushing over Jared's, their foreheads touching - their smiles would meet and they'd kiss again with Jensen's thumbs still pressed to the cute little grooves Jared's smile carved into his cheeks.

It's nothing like that now. The kisses are sloppy, desperate, with a dark edge to them caused by Jared's grief and Jensen's frustration, his anger, his longing.

Jensen can't fucking think, so consumed by Jared's taste, the smell of him, it's like nothing has changed except the way that Jared touches him. He's rougher. Jared used to touch him like he was worshiping Jensen and maybe it's just Jensen's ego stinging but he wants that. He misses it.

"Stop thinking and take your shirt off," Jared says, trying to pull it off himself. Jensen only obeys the last part, yanks the shirt off and grabs at Jared's. When their skin is touching, so much of them pressed together, Jensen can't help but moan.

He hasn't been a total monk in the last five years, but no one has ever compared to Jared.

It's only a few more minutes of savage kisses before Jared's hand is shoved down into Jensen's boxers, tugging his cock out. Jensen returns the favor, rids them both of jeans, and then it's just skin on skin, leaking dicks rubbing together, trapped between their bellies. Jensen shoves his face into Jared's neck, nearly sobbing from how _good_ it feels, how desperate he is. Jared clutches at his back, one of his legs dropping to the floor. That gives him more leverage to thrust up against Jensen, turning the rhythm of their grinding into something that's meant to be quick and dirty.

Jensen comes with a soft cry, muffled against Jared's shoulder, his hands tangled in Jared's sweaty hair. Jared doesn't take long after that, just shoves his hips up and shoots thick and wet between them.

As soon as Jensen can breathe again, he's up and off of Jared, heading to the bathroom. He can't linger, can't let himself think this is more than comfort or rebound sex, _whatever_.

But Jared's apparently not ready to leave him alone, because he follows Jensen into the bathroom and pins him against the wall, staring down at him with a serious expression Jensen can't remember seeing since they broke up.

"It was a bad idea," Jensen says before Jared can speak. He's panicking now and knows it shows in his voice. "You just... you needed some comfort and..."

"And you're always willing to do that for me," Jared says gently. "Jensen, I'm not stupid. You're still in love with me."

Jensen closes his eyes tightly. He can't lie about that. He doesn't bother to say anything.

"And all I've been able to think about in the last _five years_ is how stupid I was to let you go. I shouldn't have ever married Emma. I'm sorry I ran away. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you after we moved away and I'm _so_ sorry I ever broke it off with you." Jared closes his eyes too and presses his forehead to Jensen's cheek. His voice drops to a soft murmur.

"It was just... it was _stupid_. I was scared of ruining things with you, I wasn't ready to be that serious about someone and we just, we kept fighting over stupid things..."

"So you went and got married."

"There were three years between us breaking up and me marrying Emma. She just... seemed perfect. We got along, we rarely ever fought, and she was so much like me. I thought it was fate or something."

"Yeah, and how'd that work out?"

"I was an idiot." Jared pulls back to look at him. "Everyone told me I was an idiot and I didn't listen, but I should have. Emma was never the one."

Jensen shakes his head. "I can't let you break my heart again, Jared. I can't deal with that shit all over again. I haven't really been happy since we broke up. I tried, y'know, I tried _so hard_. I didn't want my happiness to depend on another person."

"I know. Me either. But I guess that's just how it works with us." Jared smiles weakly. "I'm not saying you have to give me another chance to be with you. But I'm moving back here and I want us to be friends again."

"I can do friends." Jensen exhales, studies Jared. There's nothing but sincerity in his eyes. He nods.

Jared breaks into a smile. "Okay. Um." He wets a washcloth and wipes himself clean. Jensen steals the washcloth and does the same.

"How 'bout we get dressed and see if _A Christmas Story_ is on, okay? And make sure Pepper hasn't eaten all the popcorn."

"You got it, buddy."

Jared follows him into the living room. They get dressed and curl up on the couch, switching beer for unspiked egg nog. _A Christmas Story_ isn't on, but _It's A Wonderful Life_ is. Pepper stretches across Jensen's lap and Jared is a warm weight against his side.

It turns out to be a pretty great Christmas after all.


End file.
